Poem – “Skydiving”

As I searched for things that I needed to learn to share, I stumbled on this tid bit of teenage angst (that definitely wasn’t written when I was in my teens).

I spend most of my days in high heels clacking through university hallways. I’m one of the youngest Ph.D. students in my program, and I make a point to avoid making that my identity. I don’t get many opportunities away from the stage to be immature. Maybe that’s why I need to share these musings, so that I can learn to embrace my youth in its final years, so that I can actually mature.

Skydiving

I’ve never been sky diving,
but I imagine it feels a lot like love.
There’s a pregnant pause
followed by an intense rush.

You are simultaneously
invigorated by the view
and paralyzed by the fear
of an abrupt end.

The first time I met you.
I jumped off my plane of existence
and fell into your dreams.

They were beautiful.
There were hopes that soared alongside me.
Clouds of doubt parted around me.
Fearlessness drove me deeper into my free fall.

The first time I met you,
I was afraid of an abrupt end.

The thought of climbing back in my plane,
broken and mangled,
terrified me.

It still does.

I am afraid of an abrupt end,
but I am also afraid of never flying again.

I’ve existed in your dreams for years now.
I’ve watch your doubt dissipate.
I’ve watched your fearlessness whisk you away.
I’ve watched your hopes soar.

I’m still falling,
more alone every day.

The first time I met you
I was afraid of an abrupt end,
but, now, I would rather face
the pain of the jolt
than fall forever.

If you drop me now,
I might have time to mend myself
and jump off my plane again.

If you drop me now
I might have time to forget
this view,

To forget you.

The first time I saw you
I was afraid of an abrupt end.

Either grant me your fearlessness
or grant me your wings.
Because never being either lifted
or crushed
is the most crushing thing
I can imagine being listed
as a cause of death.

“She ended with no end”

No tragedy.
No comedy.
No happily ever after.
Just a ‘they’,
followed by an ellipse,
preceded by air.

The first time I met you,
you taught me that I could jump.
Five years later,
why can’t you?

One thought on “Poem – “Skydiving”

Add yours

  1. Do you imagine a stress on the last “you” meaning the other or do you mean it to refer to you? Love the analogy of sky diving which I have never done nor ever will.

    Like

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