Love Trunkated -Script

CLOWN 1 (The Circus, Complaint Division, Legal Division, Factory Owner 1, News Reporter, auctioneer) 
CLOWN 2 (Abigail, Hold Music, Factory Owner 2, Camera Person, Puppy) 

CLOWN 1 Some stories start with action! 
CLOWN 2 Action! 
CLOWN 1 Some start with intrigue! 
CLOWN 2 Intrigue! 
CLOWN 1 Some start with MURDER! 
CLOWN 2 stabby stabby! 
CLOWN 1 This story starts with . . . a Christmas bed time story. 
CLOWN 2 We have no budget! 

MARIE And Hugh Jackman’s character disappeared and the story advanced with a real plot. The end. (Incomprehensible wailing from ABIGAIL) 
MARIE What’s wrong sweety? The story ended okay. 
ABIGAIL But what about the elephants? Tommy from school said that now circus elephants live in cages and get beat with meat hooks and have to listen to Nickleback between shows. 
MARIE Well, Tommy’s parents make meth. 
ABIGAIL But, it’s true mommy! They’re being tortured, and it makes me feel like there is no meaning in life. Would you let other people do that to me? Force me to work for years on end for just peanuts? Force me do the same thing every day, year after year? Force me to hold other people’s children and tell me not to stomp on them when they cry? It’s inhumane. Momma, you know that I love you. I eat your food. I listen you your rants about gas prices. I pretend that it’s okay for you to watch soap operas when I’m in the room. I do my job as a daughter. Momma, if you love me, you’ll free the elephants and, in doing so, free me of my existential crisis. 

MARIE I didn’t realize that this affected you so much. I’ll do it. Even if it kills me, I will free the elephants. (takes out phone) Hello, is this the circus?  
THE CIRCUS This is the circus speaking. We care about you. How may I help you? 
MARIE I’m calling to ask you to free your elephants. 
THE CIRCUS Let me transfer you to our complaint division. Please hold. (CLOWN 2 mimes playing saxophone hold music while humming the tune himself.) 
COMPLAINT DIVISION This is the complaint division. We care about what you have to say. How may I help you? 
MARIE I want you to release your elephants.  
COMPLAINT DIVISION Let me transfer you to our legal division. Please hold. (CLOWN 2 mimes playing saxophone hold music while humming the tune himself.) 
LEGAL DIVISION Legal division. We don’t care about you. Goodbye. 

MARIE Well then. I must turn to the people. (To the audience) Good people of this unnamed state and country, I ask you: do you think that it is fair that the circus won’t release the elephants? We must free the quadrupeds!  
MARIE We must make it illegal to own an elephant. Let them out! Let them out! Let them out! 
FACTORY OWNER 2 Yeah, but how ya gonna do that? 
MARIE We will get the president to make animal circuses illegal! No more rings! No more rings! 
FACTORY OWNER 1 But the president is a clown. 
MARIE Then I will be president! 
FACTORY OWNER 2 Why should we vote for you? 
MARIE I will free the elephants. 
MARIE I will make sure nobody ever starves. 
MARIE What do you want? 
FACTORY OWNER 2 Tax breaks. 
MARIE What do you even do?  
FACTORY OWNER 1 We own factories! 
MARIE Tax breaks for factories! 

NEWS REPORTER (CLOWN 2 mimes holding a tv camera)  This just in: the people have spoken. We have a new president. Madame president what will be your first action? 
MARIE All animal circuses are now illegal! (CLOWNs 1 & 2 get the crowd to cheer) 
ABIGAIL You are the worst mom ever! 
MARIE What do you mean? I thought this was what you wanted.  (ABIGAIL clicks on tv and storms off) 
NEWS REPORTER This just in: Elephants with no places to go after the closing of all circuses take to the streets of New York. Heroin abuse rates in homeless elephants sky rocket. 

MARIE I swear, I’ll fix this. Good people of this unnamed country. We must care for the elephants. We must treat their addiction. 
FACTORY OWNER 2 I don’t want my tax dollars going to druggie quadrupeds. 
MARIE Then, we’ll auction a few of them to the highest bidder and use the money to treat the rest! Who wants a pet elephant? (AUCTIONEER comes out to run the auction. Unintelligible auction banter. FACTORY OWNER 2 wins) 

AUCTIONEER And the elephants go to the factory owner! 
ABIGAIL You’re the worst mommy ever! 
MARIE What did I do now? (ABIGAIL clicks on tv) 
NEWS REPORTER This just in: president sells loosed elephants to dog food factory. Quality of dog food drastically increases.  

MARIE Well, it was only a few of them. (ABIGAIL points to TV) 
NEWS REPORTER This just in: an investigation by newspaper journalists reveals that newspapers are not extinct as everyone thought and that the rehab centers that were treating addicted elephants were owned by dog food factories. All elephants in this unnamed country have gone missing. 

MARIE What do you want from me? I did everything that I could. I made phone calls. I ran for office. I became president. I passed laws. Nothing that I did did anything. Isn’t there any other way I can show you that I love you. 
ABIGAIL Can we get a puppy? 
MARIE Yes, sweety. We can get a puppy.  (They exit) 

CLOWN 1 Some stories end with action!  (CLOWN 2 returns) 

CLOWN 2 Action! 
CLOWN 1 Some end with intrigue! 
CLOWN 2 Intrigue! 
CLOWN 1 Some end with MURDER! 
CLOWN 2 stabby stabby! 
CLOWN 1 This story ends with a car. 

(They Bow) 

**This play first appeared at Big Muddy New Play Festival. All writers were given one week to write, edit, rehearse and perform a new five-minute play on the theme “circus”**

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